Late Bloomer. Found outside Civano Nursery, Tucson, AZ. (next door to my house)

It’s 7:34am and I’ve already been up for 2 hours, that wouldn’t be so bad if I’d gotten to sleep before 1am. Waking up at 5:30 with horrible head pain is not a good start to the day. And taking Migranal nasal spray is not the best thing to taste first thing either. But my head is better.

It’s monotonous and down right boring to have a migraine for well over a year now. Every day, pain. Every day, nausea. Every day, sensitivity to light, sound, and smells. Every day, another day, same shit. It only changes in intensity, but it’s always there. I’ve had a constant headache for 47 years, but it’s only been since April of 2020 that it’s been a migraine. The persistent headache I always have, is different, and thankfully not nearly as painful.

I do have hope though. I have a virtual appointment with Diamond Headache Clinic on the 9th. They will then determine if I need more tests here, or if I need to be admitted. Everyone is expecting admission. I just want them to be able to help.

I was thinking they might try ketamine, but with my blood pressure issues that’s not going to happen. I don’t know if I should be sad, or relieved. I’ll only be sad if I found out that’s the only thing that would help.

My blood pressure is still out of control. I had a 24 hour blood pressure monitoring test on Monday. I’ll hopefully find out the results later today. However, I saw some of the readings on it and it was often way high. The highest I saw was 201/101. That’s scary high! I probably should have gone to the ER, but I hate it there. And I was afraid the stress of going would make my BP rise even more.

I’m going to skip Spravato this week to see if maybe it comes down a bit, but I’m not hopeful. I feel like I’m either going to die from depression, or high BP. I really don’t want to die from either.

More good news about Diamond Headache Clinic, they just called and said since my out-of-pocket maximum has been met then this whole thing will cost us nothing! Woo Hoo! Since Stuart is allowed to say with me in the room, we don’t even need to have a hotel room. We’ll need to find out if there’s actually a bed in there, or if he has to sleep in a chair, if it’s a chair, I’d rather him have a hotel to get some rest in. We’ll see. We will need a room for a few days after I get out, I’m really hoping to see a couple of people while I’m out that way. That would make the whole trip even nicer.

I was starting to see some people in the neighborhood, but I’m not sure how much more that will happen with the rise in COVID starting again. Almost all seemed to feel that after being vaccinated they were “free”, hardly anyone wearing masks, even inside. I admit I felt the pressure of going without mine. It is so much nicer because I can now see people’s lips, but it’s not worth putting my, or others, health at stake. The variant D strain is worrisome. Children are supposed to be more likely to get it, and the little ones can’t be vaccinated. I’m really worried about them all going back to school and so many schools don’t have mask requirements. I feel so bad for them, and their parents. The vaccinated are only 80% protected from it. I’m in that little margin in so many other things, I don’t feel like I should risk it at all.

I saw my therapist yesterday and she had some scary news. She knows 3 people who have COVID right now, who are vaccinated. One is asymptomatic, the other two have slight symptoms. The two with symptoms went to the doctor when they started to feel bad and that’s the way they found out. The two with symptoms were at a gathering before so all had to be tested, the third person found out that way. Unfortunately, the morning before she found out she had breakfast with my therapist. So she had to get tested, and had the one that takes a few days to get back to make sure it was more accurate. She said it was a long 4 days.

I’m jumping all around here, but here’s something else, I don’t think I’ve talked about yet. My doctor is testing my adrenal function. Unfortunately, LabCorp is backed up due to COVID tests so I can’t get my test done until next week. Anyway, come to find out a tumor on your adrenals can cause sudden high blood pressure, increased anxiety, long lasting headaches, and weight changes. So we have to rule this out. Stuart and I are actually hoping I have a benign tumor they can just remove and make me a new woman! Ha! As if anything is that easy with me.

Well, Stuart just heard from the doctor’s office and my test results are there so I need to get clean and get dressed.

I’d love to hear from you all, shoot me a comment to let me know what you’re up to.

The photo above was taken by Stuart on one of his morning walks this week. It’s amazing! Saguaros don’t bloom this late. I guess it’s a late bloomer. Maybe I am too. Maybe it’s simply taken a long time to find ways to help me feel better, and I can start to bloom soon.

It’s been a while-mini-me update

I haven’t been able to write much in a quite some time. Right now I’m having a Spravato (esketamine) treatment so I’m a bit intoxicated, but I’m pain free so I can type. However, since I’m intoxicated this post will probably have lots of errors and may sound a bit strange. You have been warned. Bwahahahaha

My hands have been hurting a lot because of the nerve problems coming from my neck. It’s not up as high as it was, but it’s close, really close. That makes it hard to type, impossible to write, and very difficult to text. I’ve resorted to using talk to text, and you know how that cam mess things up. Not being able to easily communicate well with the outside world is hard.

I’m not sure where I left off last time, so forgive me if I repeat anything or leave something out. If you have questions be sure to ask.

We are still trying hard to regulate my blood pressure (BP). I started this journey with one doctor, but changed to another PCP since the first one didn’t seem to take this seriously. My new provider is a nurse practitioner in the same office as my last doctor who moved away. I really like her and she is working hard on this BP issue. It will be dangerously high one day and then normal or low the next. That’s hard to treat, so I’m going to have a 24 hour blood pressure study next Tuesday. I’ll be fitted with a cuff that stays on for 24 hours. I’m not sure how often it will take my BP, I read online that during this test it normally takes it every half hour during the day, and every hour when you’re asleep. Not sure how much sleep I’ll get with that thing on. I just really hope this answers some questions.

There are 3 reasons that my BP has suddenly risen:

• One is my Spravato treatments. During the treatment my BP is supposed to go up temporarily, then come back down afterwards. In rare cases your BP could rise and stay up there.
• Two is my chronic pain, this is actually what my new provider thinks it could be; I take my BP first thing in the morning, before I even get out of bed, and it can be dangerously high when I wake with severe pain. Mornings are high pain times. I did read a study that said chronic pain can cause hypertension. That’s sad. It’s bad enough that we have to live in pain, now we also have to worry about our BP! Ugh!
• Three, it could just be genetics. Not sure I buy that one. My mother didn’t have hypertension. My father had it later in life, but he didn’t take care of himself. He was overweight, and ate way too much sodium. I am not overweight, and I have been on a low sodium diet for many years because of the Meniere’s.

Another subject, well kind of… The pinched nerve in my neck is causing my hands to hurt terribly. And the Spravato is on the down swing so my pain is coming back…damn! Normally I get a couple of hours pain free at least. This time it was only about 30 minutes. I’m getting so discouraged. All this pain! The nerve pain, the migraines, the muscles in my back…I do not know what it’s like to not live in pain! I thought everyone had some sort of pain all the time, but they don’t! Some people have no pain. That blows my mind. When I do a Body Scan Meditation I realize that I have pain in almost every part of my body. I accept this is the way it is for now, but I also know that life is constantly changing. Just because I accept what is happening to me doesn’t mean I have given up, it just means I’m not using more energy fighting it all the time. I accept it’s there, that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be there.

I have been using the backspace key much more than any other key today. Constantly seeing errors and trying to fix them. I’m sure I haven’t gotten them all. Hell I can barely focus on the screen to see what I’m typing.

I had a virtual appointment with my headache specialist last week; she wants me to go to a headache clinic, either Diamond Headache Clinic or Jefferson Headache Clinic. The first is in Chicago, the second is in Philadelphia. What a long trip that will be. Mayo in Rochester is also an option. Evidently the Mayo near Phoenix isn’t that great with migraines. Go figure. We are in the process now to get me in one of them. It’s a long process and I’m afraid I might be going in the winter. I live in the desert, I do not like cold, nor do I have clothes for it. But I sure don’t want to wait until spring to break this damn migraine. the pain has been so severe.

I had a panic attack last week. That was scary. I really feel for people who have then often. They are relentless and illogical. I was terrified, but I had no reason to be. I have all these tools to help me get through things like that, but I couldn’t even think about how to do them. Luckily S was there to remind me to breathe. He had a few panic attacks last month, that was hard to see. I felt so helpless, even though he told me I helped him a lot. He told me during my attack, “At least I can understand now”. And now I understand how hard it must be on him to see me in pain all the time. Especially when I have vertigo with it. And more.

Well it’s about time to pack up and leave the treatment center so I guess I should close for now.

Seems like there was more I wanted to share, but I’m out of it. Not just because of the Spravato, I’ve been a bit out of it all the time lately. The migraine symptoms are in full swing.

Oh! It has been raining! So excited we are actually having a monsoon season this year! We had no rain last year, and the plants have really suffered. I’m sure the animals have too. We had more rain in one day this year than we had the whole year last year. The past two years have been very dry. With this much rain, we might have a super bloom (wild flowers blooming everywhere!!) in the Spring.

I hope all are well. Tell me how are you holding up?

Remember, I’m posting this without reading it or editing it, please be kind.

The Saguaros are blooming

This lovely cactus is right outside my doctor’s office, I took the picture on Monday. No filters were used.

Did you know that each bloom on a saguaro only last one day? That’s just amazing to me. They are so beautiful in full bloom, and they bloom for quite some time. I hope to get more pictures soon when the sky is not so hazy. It’s really windy and dusty here right now. Temps in the 90’s. Soon they will be much higher. We had very little rain this past year, I’m afraid that will mean more wild fires. I sure hope not. I don’t think there’s much more of the mountains around here left to burn. It was a bad fire season last year.

I saw that amazing cactus above as I left my doctor’s office on Monday. I was there to discuss my blood pressure. I have gone from having hypotension to hypertension. It’s very disturbing to me. Really scary after having the vein in my eye explode. I had the shot in my eye on Friday. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I didn’t see the needle at all. I’m still not crazy about the doctor, but he did a good job and that’s all that counts, I guess. He could have better bed side manners though.

I started on blood pressure medication yesterday. She said it will take up to 4 weeks for it to show it’s full effects. I sure wish it worked faster, I’m not comfortable with my BP being so high for so long. It was 165/100 last night. It caused an awful headache that medication didn’t help with. It brought it down just a little bit, not enough to make me feel better. I’ve also been very nauseous. And last night I had a nose bleed. It didn’t last long, and I’m not sure if it was caused by my BP, or the medication I used. (it’s a nasal spray) It’s lower during the day and rises as the day goes on. My doctor said that’s not unusual. And she said that the medication she put me on could help my migraines. If that’s the case this whole thing could be worth it. LOL

We don’t really know the cause of my high blood pressure. It could be a side effect from Spravato (esketamine) that I take for major depressive disorder. Since other medications have failed, I need to continue with this medication, so I’m not going off of it. Plus this could be genetics. My father and sister had/have high BP, but they were/are high risk people. Overweight, don’t eat right….you get the picture. So it just happens sometimes. I hope it will just unhappen. The thought that I’m now more likely to have heart problems or a stroke is unsettling. I need to be diligent about taking my meds and taking the best possible care of me. First I’m going to start getting more exercise. I already eat pretty darn good, but I’ll try and have less “treats”, and watch my sodium intake a bit more. I normally eat low salt anyway, but I haven’t been really checking to see how much sodium I’m eating since I tracked it for so long. My doctor actually told me I was cutting out too much, so I stopped being so diligent in paying attention to it. I still don’t think I’m eating too much though. I don’t eat out a lot and that’s where a lot of sodium comes from. At least for me.

That’s all for today, I have to run to an appointment so I wasn’t able to proofread this, I hope it’s okay.

I hope you all are having the best day possible for you.